Rachel tells Trolius that she has freed Sleet, 7/4/2005

• Rachel_ hasn't been back in Emerald Fields for long since she left on a mysterious errand.
• Rachel_ is rumoured to have gone back to Aberystwyth, though for what, after she spent a couple weeks there, no one is certain. ;)
• Rachel_ is strolling through the orchard when Trolius is asked to attend to her.
• Rachel_ checks on the tiny green peaches that are starting to grow on the branches.
• Trolius will arrive, then
• Rachel_ smiles slightly for you when you arrive.

<Rachel_> Good morning, Sir Trolius.

• Trolius has been helping build fences around the goat pens, and is kind of hot and sticky... but still looks smashing, of course. Ahh,

 sidhe!

• Rachel_ looks impossible, as usual.
• Trolius is wearing a light grey short sleeved tunic over short pants
• Trolius smiles back

<Trolius> good morning.... You called?

• Rachel_ is wearing a pale yellow gown. Her wings pick up on the colour and reflect and refract it in the sunlight so it looks like she has

 a small sun following her wherever she goes.

<Rachel_> I did...

• Trolius blinks at the light reflecting off your wings

<Rachel_> I have some news to share with you. <Rachel_> I think it might be of value to you, possibly. <Trolius> ...oh?

• Rachel_ nods.

<Rachel_> I was in Aberystwyth yesterday to free Sleet from the Geas I had laid on her. <Rachel_> It was, apparently, yet another mistake of mine. But I was too proud to listen to anyone about it. <Rachel_> I am sorry.

• Trolius is stunned

<Trolius> ...

• Rachel_ apologizes to you for not listening.

<Trolius> Well. <Trolius> I guess it just took you awhile? <Rachel_> A while, and being told how terrible I was by three different sources. <Rachel_> The third time was the charm, I guess.

• Rachel_ smiles a bit bitterly.

<Trolius> That's, ahh.... <Trolius> You made a mistake, and you fixed it.

• Trolius wonders who the others were.

<Trolius> that's not terrible\

• Rachel_ shrugs delicately, sending shards of light skipping away from her.

<Rachel_> So, she is free now. <Rachel_> I offered her a boon by way of apology. <Rachel_> At first she refused it, but as she was leaving she changed her mind. <Rachel_> She asked for you. I told her you were not mine to give, but if you wished it, I would free you from my service so you could go

 join her there.

<Trolius> ... <Rachel_> I am assuming she plans to remain there. <Rachel_> I can't imagine she would want to come back here after my clumsiness. <Rachel_> There would be a place for you there. You would not be without employment. <Rachel_> So.. it is up to you now. <Rachel_> I am sorry that... I handled this whole thing so poorly. <Trolius> Well, wow. <Trolius> Rachel. I don't know what to say.

• Rachel_ glances up at you, her eyes swirling slightly with the colours that mean sorrow and remorse.

<Rachel_> Well, it is a big decision to make. <Trolius> . o O ( kinda... ) <Rachel_> I don't expect you to tell me what you want right here and right now. <Rachel_> Take however long you need. <Rachel_> I can have it arranged for you to go visit her in Aberystwyth if you wish to discuss anything with her. <Trolius> That would be great.

• Rachel_ nods.

<Trolius> I need to know what she wants now, and where she wants to be. <Trolius> ...I love her. <Rachel_> I will write to my father on your behalf. He is her contact there, for the most part. <Rachel_> ... <Rachel_> Yes. I know.

• Rachel_ sighs slightly.

<Rachel_> Whatever you choose, you have my blessing. <Rachel_> You have been a good friend. <Trolius> I'm not going to leave you shorthanded here. <Trolius> or stop being your friend.

• Rachel_ waves her hand dismissively.

<Rachel_> My father is aware of the choice ahead of you, and arrangements can be made to have someone sent in your stead, if necessary... <Rachel_> I think, actually, that you had already been looking into something like that?

• Rachel_ says gently and without reproach.

<Rachel_> That is the impression I got, anyway, from the Captain there. <Trolius> Well... yes. <Trolius> But I don't know how this might change things.

• Rachel_ nods.

<Trolius> I meant to tell you before. I was just waiting to hear anything back.

• Rachel_ nods.

<Rachel_> It is all right. I have been behaving like an ogress. <Rachel_> . o O (Anything you felt uneasy about telling me is understandable.  :P) <Trolius> It's not that.\ <Trolius> I'm not afraid to get yelled at.

• Trolius shakes his head

<Trolius> Look, all this self-deprecating crap is not good for you.

• Rachel_ arches one exquisite eyebrow.

<Rachel_> It's not self-deprecating when it's the truth, Sir Trolius.

• Rachel_ says realistically.

<Rachel_> Anyway. <Trolius> yeah, only it isn't the truth. You're being too negative, and it's worrying. <Rachel_> How soon would you wish to go see her and discuss things with her? <Trolius> Hey, no changing the subject >:| <Rachel_> I will have to see if Windrider or someone else would be free to Flicker Flash you and right now, things are a bit hectic there. <Trolius> That's fine. I'll send her a message.

• Rachel_ nods.

<Rachel_> Very well.

• Trolius is tort of torn between wanting to be really happy, worried, and pissed.
• Trolius shakes his head

<Trolius> You're only dragging yourself down further Rachel. <Trolius> ...Only that's not true. <Trolius> You're starting to drag others down with you >:|

• Rachel_ regards you briefly, surprised by your reaction.

<Rachel_> Sir Trolius, I am in fact, feeling better than I have in some time. I don't know what you are reading into my words.

• Trolius shakes her head

<Trolius> (I want to ken you) <Rachel_> I made a mistake, I admitted it, finally, and I fixed it as best I could. I'd like to think I have done the right thing. <Rachel_> But your reaction confounds me. <Rachel_> (Ken me for what?) <Trolius> (I dunno, just to read your glamour, etc :) <Trolius> You have done the right thing. And I'm glad, really. <Trolius> It's not your actions, its your attitude that is worrying me. <Rachel_> (Well, I'm not in danger of going Banal or worse, Dauntain, but I am probably less sparkly than most Wilders) <Trolius> You're so negative about *everything*. <Trolius> I know things have been rough here, and you're worried about people, and about how you're doing here...

• Rachel_ 's eyes cloud over black but she restrains her impulse to yell and listens.

<Trolius> You're all "I'm a terrible person, I'm an ogress..." <Trolius> No. <Trolius> You're just making it worse on yourself. <Trolius> *for* yourself.\ <Rachel_> Weren't you angry when I had the Geas laid on her? <Rachel_> Did you not think it was a heavy-handed, unjustifiable action on my part? <Rachel_> Did you not believe that she did not deserve such treatment at my hands? <Trolius> yes! And I told you that, and you fixed it. <Rachel_> Yes, after Firmin and the Dreaming told me the same. <Rachel_> Meanwhile, I was acting like an Ogress. <Trolius> My wanting to be with her has... *nothing* to do with you.

• Rachel_ regards you incredulously.

<Rachel_> I am aware of that, Sir Trolius. <Rachel_> You love her. I know what that means, at least. <Rachel_> I have no problem with your loving her, or wanting to be with her. <Rachel_> I have *no* idea where this is coming from, however. <Trolius> It isn't just this. <Trolius> You're being negative about *everything*.

• Rachel_ looks very frustrated!

<Rachel_> Trolius, I am *happy* for you! <Trolius> "I can't do anything right, someone should do it for me!" <Rachel_> I am trying to make things *easier* for you and Sleet because I like you! How am I being negative?! <Trolius> because it lets you be sad for yourself.\ <Rachel_> When did I say that? o.O <Rachel_> When in this conversation did I say that someone else should do this for me? <Rachel_> I am doing it, am I not? <Trolius> You don't have to Rachel. You communicate it with every *fiber* of your being. <Trolius> And maybe also every time that you say that you are doing something wrong, that you can't do this, that....whatever! <Rachel_> I *did* do it wrong!

• Rachel_ practically screams.

<Rachel_> I am trying to make it *right*! <Rachel_> Why won't you let me do that?!

• Rachel_ runs her hands through her hair, trying to regain her composure.
• Trolius takes a moment to regain his own

<Trolius> You're not even uinderstanding what I'm saying, at all. <Rachel_> Maybe that's because it is not understandable! <Trolius> I *am* glad that you are doing this. I already told you that. <Trolius> And I'm glad that you want to do the right thing. <Rachel_> Why are you throwing accusations of hijacking myself at me then? <Rachel_> I *was* feeling pretty good today. <Rachel_> But now I certainly don't.

• Rachel_ turns away and walks off through the peach trees.

<Trolius> because I'm worried about you, you....

• Trolius bites his tongue.
• Rachel_ stops, turns back slightly.

<Rachel_> You what?

• Rachel_ asks, without looking at you.

<Rachel_> Say it, Sir Trolius. <Trolius> You wanna order me to be rude, you've got to at least look me in the eye.

• Rachel_ turns to face you then.

<Rachel_> Say it to my face. <Trolius> why?

• Rachel_ straightens her stance, regarding you with every ounce of Gwydaine pride she can muster.

<Rachel_> Because, it's obviously how you really feel about me. <Rachel_> I need to know. <Rachel_> So I can... break out of this.

• Trolius shakes his head

<Trolius> You stupid girl, why are you so dense?

• Rachel_ winces only slightly, to her credit.
• Trolius doesn't say it meanly\

<Trolius> (almost tiredly, even)

• Rachel_ waits, not answering.

<Trolius> (That seems to have been it, or at least, you're not getting anymore ;) <Rachel_> Stupid. Dense. <Rachel_> Fair enough.

• Rachel_ says with disgust.

<Trolius> Do you even understand what I meant?

• Trolius asks with repressed bitterness

<Rachel_> (empathy: what exactly is going on here? I have a vague idea but just need to know for sure before sayign anything) <Trolius> (Right now, he is mostly pissed at himself for fucking up what he'd intended) <Rachel_> (Ok, what is he referring to with his last line, then?) <Rachel_> (Just what he meant by saying I'm negative?) <Trolius> (That he is really worried about the fact that you have been so nagative about everything lately) <Rachel_> Yes. I do. <Rachel_> I am trying to break out of it. <Trolius> Good. <Rachel_> But it's so hard... <Rachel_> It is hard for me to do it on my own. <Trolius> I know. <Trolius> :/ <Rachel_> Yet laying all my problems at someone else's feet... that's no better. <Trolius> There are things in between doing everything for yourself, and letting everyone else do them for you.

• Rachel_ looks away, picking at a piece of bark on a nearby tree trunk.

<Rachel_> I know. I just don't know exactly what they are, or how to make them work. <Rachel_> My grandfather is looking for an advisor for me... I've told you that, haven't I? <Rachel_> I hope it will work the way it should. <Rachel_> My brothers... they used to be my advisors. <Trolius> You didn't, actually. <Trolius> But that should help.... <Rachel_> We'd all sit around with cups of tea and... decide what to do together... <Trolius> maybe you could invite them to visit? Or one of them, anyway?

• Rachel_ looks back at you, smiling slightly.

<Rachel_> My father suggested that, too. <Rachel_> They do visit, but it isn't the same. Not really. <Rachel_> We can't go back to the way we were. We all have our own paths to walk now. <Trolius> You don't have to go back to the way things were, but, it would be good for you to have that kind of support, even for a little

 while.

<Rachel_> Well, that is what I hope the hypothetical advisor will be able to do. <Rachel_> There's so much going on here right now... <Rachel_> To have to explain it all to my brothers, only to have them leave again... The thought of that wearies me. <Rachel_> I hope my advisor would stay for more than a little while... <Trolius> I'm sure <Rachel_> And get to know this place and how to make it work. <Trolius> good. <Trolius> I'm sure that's what the King will be looking for

• Rachel_ nods.
• Rachel_ returns her attention to the bark she was picking at, smoothing it down and patting the tree absently.

<Rachel_> This is a good little barony... <Rachel_> It deserves to have a chance. <Trolius> You're doing it again. Emerald Fields already has a chance. <Rachel_> (The tree seems to fluff itself up slightly as if with self-importance. Maybe it's just the wind.)

• Rachel_ regards you with some exasperation.

<Rachel_> You're the one who is interpereting everything negatively. <Trolius> Maybe i'm just being cautious. <Rachel_> I am proud of this little place and want the best for it, that's all. <Rachel_> Yes, I don't always feel like I am up to the task. <Rachel_> It's a complicated place... I've been here two years and I still don't understand all its little nuances. <Rachel_> The neighbours don't exactly help. <Trolius> hey, I've been here too :/ <Rachel_> And some days I seriously doubt that I'll ever understand it... but I keep trying, don't I? <Rachel_> I'm still here...

• Rachel_ says wistfully.

<Trolius> So you are :) <Rachel_> Well. <Rachel_> You should give some thought to when you'd like to travel to Aberystwyth. <Rachel_> And then get back to me so I can make the arrangements. <Trolius> I'd like to go as soon as I could..... Just to get things sorted and see how things are going to go.

• Rachel_ nods.

<Rachel_> I'll write the letter today and send it off then... <Trolius> Thanks. <Rachel_> But right now, I think I need to take a short nap. I suddenly feel very tired. <Rachel_> I'll see you at lunch. <Trolius> alright.

• Rachel_ heads back towards the plantation house.
• Trolius will go back to building fences.