Homoventures Chapter 1, Part 5

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Homoventures session logs
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Summary

Taking shelter in the ruins of Am while Xan recovers from being poisoned, they talk about their relationship, make plans for the future, and Xan considers more seriously becoming a father to Mercy's child.

Session

Session date:
Diablotin date:


[DiablotinNarrator] You have managed to put together a shelter in one of the ruined buildings, using your tent stretched across where the roof should be and some rocks for weights, so at least you're out of the cold to some extent.

  • Justen insists that you need some time to rest and recover before continuing exploring the ruins.
  • Xandhil conceeds grumpily and then gets frustrated when his attempts to at least sketch the buildings around where we're camped don't turn out right

[Justen] I think they look good... [Justen] Better than I could do, anyway. [Xandhil] they're okay,,, but I can do better [Xandhil] my hands just feel, like.. still shaky or something [Xandhil] :/ [Justen] The poison might take a few days to get out of your system. [Xandhil] I know.. [Xandhil] just, we're here, and it sucks not to be able to do anything! [Xandhil] I haven't even seen another living anything [Xandhil] Stupid centipedes :/ [Justen] Yeah... [Justen] And I'm pretty sick of gruel, I have to say. I was starting to consider whether centipedes might be edible. [Xandhil] bleh! [Xandhil] They're probably poisonous [Xandhil] but I guess that wouldn't bother you [Xandhil] :p [Justen] Probably taste awful, though. I didn't try any.

  • Xandhil nods and looks back down at his notebook, sighing
  • Xandhil reaches out for you to come closer so he can snuggle

[Xandhil] my hands are cold anyway [Justen] Aw... let me warm them up for you.

  • Justen holds out his own hands.

[Xandhil] that was the idea ^-^

  • Justen smiles.
  • Xandhil puts the book aside and offers you his
  • Justen takes them and warms them up gently.
  • Xandhil looks up at you, his contented smile turning thoughtful after a few moments

[Justen] What is it?

  • Justen asks after a moment.

[Xandhil] just thinking.... about after [Xandhil] I mean, what happened after [Xandhil] When you took care of me

  • Justen nods slowly.

[Xandhil] Well, I guess you still are

  • Xandhil squeezes your hands and shifts around to nestle

[Justen] Trying to, anyway.

  • Justen wraps his arms around you to keep you warm.
  • Xandhil looks up at you again searchingly, like he is trying to figure something out

[Xandhil] (Has Justen told me he loves me again since then, do you think?) [Justen] (probably not, unless you've said it to him?) [Xandhil] (okay - probably hasn't at this point) [Justen] (ok) [Xandhil] .. [Xandhil] Are you... still... scared of me? [Justen] What?

  • Justen looks puzzled.

[Xandhil] You said I scared you.... because I care for you so much. [Justen] Oh. Oh, that wasn't what I meant. [Justen] I scare myself, I mean.

  • Xandhil looks at you like he doens't really understand
  • Justen looks pensive.

[Justen] You remember what happened... when I got so angry...

  • Justen tries to explain.

[Xandhil] I'm not scared of you, Justen. [Justen] If I feel that strongly for you, then... what if that happens again? What if someone hurts you and I ... I kill them this time? Or what if I hurt you... [Xandhil] I won't let it happen [Xandhil] I know better, now [Justen] How will you stop it?

  • Xandhil gives a little smile

[Xandhil] I have ways. [Justen] Magic? [Xandhil] maybe [Xandhil] don't think about it too hard

  • Xandhil puts a hand on your chest, over your heart

[Justen] You just bring out all these feelings in me... I don't know if I can always control them ... [Xandhil] are they bad feelings? [Justen] I ... they could be, in some situations? [Justen] Like... feeling protective of you.

  • Xandhil nods

[Xandhil] is it not worth the risk? [Justen] I hope it is. I want to try... it just scares me, but I'll work on it.

  • Justen looks like he has some questions of his own.
  • Xandhil nods

[Justen] Did you not like any of the times with other people? :/ [Justen] Were you just doing it to make me happy? [Xandhil] It's not that I didn't *like* it at all... [Xandhil] Other people can be fun [Xandhil] I just... I don't need them. [Xandhil] If there was never anyone else, I would still be happy. [Xandhil] If I had you.

  • Justen smiles a little at that.

[Xandhil] And I know you're not the same [Justen] I don't know if I can be. [Xandhil] I know that, I wouldn't want that [Justen] I would try, if you wanted me to. [Xandhil] you wouldn't be *you* [Xandhil] No. [Justen] But I might .... disappoint you :/ [Xandhil] Never. [Xandhil] I just don't always want to hear about it [Xandhil] I don't need to know everyone you fuck [Justen] Okay. [Xandhil] i just need to you that.... that you're still mine, in the end. [Xandhil] You're still for me. [Justen] Always. [Xandhil] Always is a long time. Maybe a really long time for us.

  • Justen nods.

[Xandhil] But I want that. [Xandhil] I want 'Always' with you. [Justen] I want it too. [Xandhil] whatever it brings. [Justen] I don't know if I'm good enough for you... sometimes I think I don't know why you've stayed. [Xandhil] Even if we're not always perfect, or if we fight, or if we're not always in control... [Xandhil] You're very good for me.

  • Xandhil snuggles closer

[Justen] I know I've hurt you. Not meaning to, but it just ... happens.

  • Justen kisses the top of your head.

[Xandhil] I always forgive you. [Xandhil] I'm not blameless either :/ [Justen] But that was my fault...

  • Xandhil shakes his head

[Xandhil] no. [Xandhil] No it wasn't [Justen] and I didn't... I didn't mind all of it.

  • Justen says, blushing.

[Xandhil] I know... [Xandhil] But I could say the same thing to you, and it wouldn't make you feel any better either, would it? [Justen] You didn't hurt me like that, though - you didn't make me b-bleed... [Xandhil] I could have. [Xandhil] I never said no, Justen. [Xandhil] I never even tried [Justen] You should have. if I was hurting you that bad -_- [Justen] You can always say no to me. [Xandhil] I should have, because it scared you so badly. [Xandhil] And I know. [Xandhil] Now I know that. [Justen] I'm not going to leave in a huff if you don't want to do something. [Xandhil] I just... I don't want to disappoint you. Or ...bore you [Justen] You could never bore me. [Xandhil] I guess we'll see? [Xandhil] But... [Xandhil] I want to try new things, with you.

  • Justen smiles at that.

[Justen] I want that too. [Xandhil] Without you, I'd just be like my father, and I'd just sit in a library somewhere and read all the time and never talk to anyone and never *do* anything

  • Justen laughs.

[Xandhil] I mean, he has mom *and* dad and that is still what he mostly does when he can [Justen] Is that all your father does? Because... he's got two, uh, partners, he must do *some* other stuff ;) [Xandhil] Well. [Xandhil] @_@

  • Justen chuckles.

[Xandhil] there are things I try not to think about too hard. [Xandhil] @_@ [Xandhil] but, you know what I mean. [Xandhil] I'm not really a 'people' person. [Justen] You're not bad with people. [Justen] Seems like you've done most of the talking to people on this trip :) [Xandhil] I;m not *bad* with them.... [Xandhil] this is different though! [Justen] You were the one who went after Tai, even ;)

  • Justen teases.

[Xandhil] I know... [Xandhil] I didn't think he would want to come with us though @_@ [Xandhil] I mean [Xandhil] don't get me wrong, I like him a lot, now. [Xandhil] But if I had really thought from the start that he'd be with us so long, I probably would have ignored him >.>

  • Justen nods.

[Justen] I don't think you would really have left him there. [Xandhil] I don't *like* people the way you do [Justen] But I know what you mean.

  • Xandhil nods

[Xandhil] Well... I didn't. [Xandhil] didn't leave him, I mean.... bt that wasn't the point I was trying to make, I guess :/ [Justen] You mean you would rather it had just been the two of us? [Xandhil] No! [Xandhil] ... [Xandhil] :/ [Justen] It's ok if that's the answer. [Xandhil] I *do* like Tai.

  • Justen says gently.

[Xandhil] but... maybe?

  • Justen nods.

[Xandhil] but that's still not what I meant [Xandhil] I just mean.... that without knowing him at all [Xandhil] if I had known 'If we talk to this guy he will be with us for weeks.' [Xandhil] I would never have talked to him, and never have cared.

  • Justen nods again.

[Xandhil] And... I don't know [Justen] I liked having him around. It didn't mean I was bored with you, or anything like that. [Xandhil] maybe I figured that if I didn't, you would anyway? [Xandhil] It's not about Tai. [Justen] I know. [Justen] But ... in general, about other people. [Justen] It's something we need to figure out how it's going to work. [Xandhil] Oh. [Justen] Even if they don't live with us for weeks :) [Xandhil] with us? [Justen] I liked sharing him with you... seeing you teach him things ;) But I know that maybe that isn't what you want, and I don't want to pressure you into anything. [Justen] Oh... heh. Well. Would you want to live with me?

  • Justen asks a bit shyly.
  • Xandhil bites his lip

[Xandhil] Welll.... [Xandhil] that depends. [Xandhil] Are you just saying that because you think its what I want to hear? [Justen] No. It just came out, I hadn't really thought too much about it, but when i said it, it sounded right. [Justen] Us.

  • Justen repeats, savouring the word.
  • Xandhil smiles

[Xandhil] okay... [Xandhil] Of course I would like to live with you.

  • Justen grins.

[Xandhil] but I guess we would need to sort some things out

  • Justen nods.

[Xandhil] Like... i don't know [Xandhil] I don't think it would make me happy to have to come home to you fucking someone else in our bed [Justen] That's... fair. [Justen] So... you would want me to tell you first? Or just not do it there at all? [Xandhil] I guess it depends? [Xandhil] I don't know. [Xandhil] If I'm, I don't know, away or something [Xandhil] I wouldn't want you to be lonely :3

  • Justen gives a little laugh.

[Xandhil] or in exams, or whatever [Xandhil] well, I wouldn't though. [Justen] I know. It's a relief, though :) [Justen] There might be other people I'll care about. Not the same way as I care about you - not like I love you. But people I'll like a lot, and want to spend time with for a while. [Xandhil] ... [Xandhil] I... I know :/ [Xandhil] I always have a harder time, with those ones... [Justen] And I'd like to figure out how to handle that, so that you aren't upset.

  • Justen nods.

[Justen] I know... [Justen] And I don't want to do anything to hurt you. [Xandhil] I think... that's up to me, too. [Justen] You are always the most important, okay? And if you said "forget her," then... I would do that for you. [Xandhil] I know I can be a dick, though [Justen] Heh. [Xandhil] when I'm scared of losing you [Xandhil] But it might be easier now... [Justen] Well... what if when you feel like saying 'forget about her', you say 'I need you to pay more attention to me' or 'can we do this together, just us' and I'll understand it means you're feeling neglected?

  • Xandhil nods

[Xandhil] I'll try [Xandhil] but... [Xandhil] it doesn't always come out right, in my head [Justen] I wouldn't mean to, and I'll try not to let you feel that way, but ... I get caught up in things sometimes, and I might not think :/ [Xandhil] I know [Xandhil] I love how you love people. [Justen] People are pretty amazing. [Justen] But none of them are as amazing as you. [Xandhil] I still don't know why you think that

  • Xandhil says, blushing and burrowing closer

[Justen] Because... you're so smart, and you always have interesting things to talk about, and you're beautiful, and funny, and I like being with you more than just about anything. [Justen] Because I've never gotten bored of you, and I don't think I ever will. [Xandhil] I hope not

  • Justen snuggles you.

[Justen] And look... about what I talked about before, about Mercy... [Xandhil] ... [Justen] You shouldn't feel like you need to do it because I asked.

  • Xandhil nods

[Justen] I never want you to feel like that. [Xandhil] Why did you ask? [Justen] Well.... [Justen] Because I think you would be good to her, and treat her with respect and all that... and not jerk her around or hurt her. [Justen] And because I think you would make a beautiful baby, and I want her to have that.

  • Xandhil thinks

[Xandhil] I'll talk to Mercy.... [Justen] Okay. [Xandhil] I just don't know if it would.... go well @_@ [Justen] The sex part? Or the baby part?

  • Xandhil blushes

[Xandhil] the sex part, I don't know about the baby part

  • Justen nods.

[Justen] Well.... I also think you would do well with the baby part, for what it's worth.

  • Xandhil smiles

[Xandhil] I had good parents. [Justen] As for the sex part... I guess you wouldn't know unless you tried. [Xandhil] ...yeah.

  • Xandhil agrees nervously

[Justen] But Mercy wouldn't be... I don't know, expecting miracles? I think she would be pretty patient. [Xandhil] wel... its Mercy. [Justen] exactly. [Xandhil] I just don't know if that would be easier or harder @_@

  • Justen nods.

[Justen] Talk to her about it. Maybe that will help with figuring things out.

  • Xandhil nods
  • Justen kisses you.
  • Xandhil kisses back!
  • Justen 's hands are getting more exploratory, reaching down to your stomach...
  • Xandhil 's lips curl into a smile around your tongue
  • Xandhil gathers the fabric of your shirt in his hands
  • Justen smiles back.

[Justen] So... what sort of new things do you want to try, together? ^-^ [Xandhil] now? [Justen] Now, or anytime. If it's something we can't do here, then describe it and I'll use my imagination ;) [Xandhil] oh... I don't know.

  • Xandhil says a little anxiously

[Xandhil] I haven't thought, exactly

  • Justen strokes your hair.

[Xandhil] right now I just... want to feel close to you [Justen] No pressure. [Justen] I was just curious :)

  • Xandhil nods
  • Xandhil tries not to feel insecure

[Justen] I want you so much, Xan. [Justen] I want whatever will make you happy. [Xandhil] You make me happy

  • Xandhil starts to open your shirt

[Xandhil] You're so warm... [Justen] Useful, eh? :) [Justen] Next time, maybe we'll go somewhere hot. [Xandhil] mmhmm, until about forth month, anyway ^-^ [Xandhil] I'll melt @_@ [Justen] ... if you want there to be a next time. [Xandhil] Why woudln't I want a next time? [Xandhil] There's so much world to see.... [Xandhil] I mean, I like the city

  • Justen smiles at that.

[Xandhil] I like reading about other places... [Xandhil] but this is way more fun! [Xandhil] and its not just this world [Xandhil] we could probably go.... anywhere [Xandhil] Anywhere at all. [Justen] Yeah...