Janus finds out why Debbie did not ask for help, 7/12/2005

• Hayley 's light little hoofsteps can be heard approaching the door to the room you have sequestered yourself in approximately two hours

 after you locked yourself in.

• Janus has drawn the drapes in the room to keep out the sun, and is lying across the bed, in the dark.
• Hayley tries the knob... did you in fact lock it or can she enter?

<Janus> (It's not locked; I am used to people knocking who are expected to knock)

• Hayley doesn't knock since it is her room too!
• Janus 's vest is folded over a chair, and his shirt is half undone.
• Hayley opens the door just wide enough for her to slip in. She then shuts it quietly behind her.
• Janus 's eyes are closed; he is either asleep or just wilted.
• Hayley stands in front of the door and regards you with a patient/indulgent smile for a moment. She shakes her head slightly.

<Hayley> Janus?

• Hayley calls softly in case you are asleep.

<Janus> I am awake.

• Janus says without opening his eyes.
• Hayley moves towards the bed and sits down on it, then swings her legs up and lies down next to you.
• Janus is lying spread eagled so that none of his body parts touch.

<Janus> *melted*

• Hayley smiles again.

<Hayley> You really don't do well in heat, do you... <Hayley> Good thing it's a queen-sized bed so I can give you your space. I'm afraid if I touched you, you'd immolate. <Hayley> To the sun god. Or some god of humidity. <Hayley> Are you going to be all right?

• Hayley rolls onto her side to regard you.

<Janus> Too hot. <Hayley> Have you had anything to drink while I was away?

• Hayley asks, concerned.

<Janus> No. <Janus> The staff here are... ill-mannered. <Janus> I don't want to deal with them.

• Janus says, a trifle peevishly.

<Hayley> Oh, Janus... you have to take better care of yourself than that. <Hayley> I'll go get you something because you look really hot and you're making me worry... <Janus> Did you not see that guard captain eying you like some kind of sideshow? <Janus> It was insulting. <Janus> And then afterward he came by and started pestering me with questions about you as though you were my prize cow or something.

• Janus says all of this without opening his eyes, or really moving anything but his lips.
• Hayley laughs.

<Hayley> Well, I'm a prize *something* I hope.  ;) <Janus> At least you are in a pleasant mood. <Hayley> We had a good conversation.

• Hayley agrees.

<Janus> ... Good, then.

• Janus says, in an odd tone of voice.

<Hayley> Is everything all right? <Hayley> Aside from the heat, I mean. And the captain.

• Hayley wonders why the odd tone of voice.

<Hayley> ...

• Hayley sits up again, uncertain - you really ought to have something to drink but she's not sure if you need to talk to her right now or

 whether it can wait.

<Janus> I am fine.

• Hayley pulls her hair back out of her face and twists it into a knot at the nape of her neck.

<Janus> I am glad that your ... conversation was not uncomfortable.

• Hayley smiles again.

<Hayley> Rachel wondered if you'd care to join us for supper, or whether you just wanted to go home. <Janus> What do you want to do? <Hayley> I'd like to stay a while longer, but only if you're going to be all right in this heat... <Janus> We will stay, then. <Janus> I suppose I had better get dressed.

• Janus sighs, and opens his eyes.

<Hayley> Oh, it will be a little while yet before supper - an hour or so. <Hayley> You can stay there motionless if you like. <Janus> Ah. <Hayley> I'm going to get you something to drink before I do anything else, though. <Janus> If you like...

• Janus closes his eyes again.

<Hayley> I do... I can't have you fall to the ground with heat stroke on me. <Hayley> I'll be right back, love. <Janus> Okay...

• Hayley slips out the door and is true to her word, coming back shortly with a tray bearing a pitcher beaded with condensation and two

 tall glasses.

• Hayley pours some lemonade for you and herself.
• Hayley brings the brimming glass over to you carefully and waits for you to sit up.

<Janus> Too hot. Can't move. <Hayley> Oh, you're just like a big baby.

• Hayley chuckles.
• Hayley sets the glass aside.

<Hayley> Sit up so you can drink. I'll pull you up into a sitting position if I must! <Janus> No... No touching...

• Janus says plaintively.

<Hayley> Then you'll just have to find the strength to sit up yourself. <Hayley> You'll feel so much better when you get this into you... It is lovely and cold.

• Janus reluctantly sits up.
• Hayley smiles and passes you your drink. The glass is already dripping from condensation too.

<Hayley> It is a lot more humid here than where I grew up.

• Hayley admits.
• Janus tilts it back and drinks it all in one go, then sets the glass aside and flops back down.

<Hayley> It's a bit rough on me, too. <Janus> I think this must be what Hell is like.

• Hayley smiles.

<Hayley> The Vikings thought the Christians were mad when they described a place as warm and cozy as Hell would be. <Hayley> I think Hell would be ice, like they did. <Janus> Meh. <Hayley> Would you like another glass?

• Hayley offers.

<Janus> No more moving. <Hayley> All right.

• Hayley fetches her own glass then and sits herself down somewhere on the bed that isn't covered in Janus-limbs.

<Hayley> Is your mother this sensitive to heat too? I can't imagine what it would have been like for her in the Sahara, pregnant with you. <Janus> I don't know. <Janus> I wasn't there

• Hayley rolls her eyes.

<Janus> Hayley, I think I am dying. <Janus> ...

• Hayley looks very startled! (Tell me you are joking/exaggerating!)

<Janus> (yes) <Janus> (I am pretty clearly just being melodramatic) <Hayley> (My startlement just lasts for a second or two then.) <Hayley> (I figured he was kidding but felt I ought to make sure.) <Hayley> Well... if it's that bad, I could create a little ice storm in here.

• Hayley looks around.

<Janus> Yes. <Janus> Do that. <Hayley> Okay... I need the blanket then. ^-^

• Hayley tugs the folded spare blanket out from under your feet and wraps herself in it.
• Janus sighs again.

<Janus> It probably is about time for me to get ready, now.

• Janus does not seem very happy about that.

<Hayley> I hope Rachel won't mind if her woodwork gets damaged by meltwater... ^-^

• Janus sits up and starts buttoning his shirt.
• Hayley unwraps herself from the blanket which really is too hot.
• Hayley sneaks some ice out of the pitcher while you are busy getting dressed.
• Janus picks up his vest and shrugs into it.
• Janus busies himself with its various closures, oblivious to your mischief.
• Hayley sits behind you on the bed under the pretense of pulling your hair out from the vest... and slips the ice down the back of your

 shirt!

• Hayley dives out of the way giggling.
• Janus hisses his breath in as his eyes go wide.

<Janus> O_O

• Hayley stands as far away from you as possible in the room in case you decide to retaliate.

<Janus> Aaaaahhh!

• Hayley is grinning impishly.
• Janus frantically attempts to retrieve it from the small of his back.

<Janus> Why... why would you do that? ;_; <Hayley> Why, to cool you down of course!

• Hayley continues to smile.

<Janus> That wasn't very nice. :( <Hayley> I'm sorry... It was impossible to resist...

• Janus says after he finally gets it out.

<Janus> (it is pretty much completely melted, though) <Hayley> Do you feel any cooler, though? <Hayley> ^-^ <Janus> It's futile... :(

• Hayley moves closer, a little remorseful perhaps.
• Janus straightens out his clothing.

<Hayley> Oh... poor baby.

• Janus replaces his circlet and smoothes down his hair.
• Hayley scrutinizes you.

<Hayley> Lovely.

• Hayley apparently approves.

<Janus> I look *terrible*.

• Janus complains.

<Hayley> It's completely impossible for you to look terrible. <Janus> *sigh* <Janus> Shall we go, then? <Hayley> Certainly, if you are ready.

• Janus extends you his arm, despite the oppressive heat.
• Hayley passes her arm through the crook of your elbow and takes your hand in her own, sending a chill up your arm - her hand is cold as

 ice.

• Hayley grins again.

<Hayley> An aborted attempt... <Hayley> It melted too fast...

• Janus smiles weakly.

<Janus> Ah well... <Hayley> ^-^ <Hayley> Let's go before I torment you some more. <Hayley> Mmm, you are warm though...  :o <Janus> I *know*. <Hayley> Sylph.

• Hayley steps towards the door.
• Janus goes along with you, feeling rather miserable :p
• Hayley keeps looking up at you sympathetically as you proceed.

<Hayley> Maybe we'll be wicked and only eat ice cream for supper.

• Rachel_ is already in the small dining room when you arrive. Her whole freehold is just so - small...
• Janus composes himself before you enter the room, looking regal despite his discomfort.

<Hayley> Just flavoured ice for you. ^-^

• Rachel_ looks around when you enter and smiles.

<Janus> Good evening.

• Janus says cordially.

<Rachel_> Good evening father... Hayley. <Rachel_> Please, have a seat.

• Janus holds out Hayley's chair for her.
• Rachel_ regards you with some concern... you look rather hot and red.
• Hayley takes the seat gracefully and moves it closer to the table once you let go.
• Janus sits down himself, then.
• Rachel_ also sits down.

<Rachel_> What did you do with your afternoon?

• Rachel_ asks you conversationally.

<Janus> (is that rude knight around?) <Rachel_> (no) <Janus> I suppose I mostly kept to myself. <Rachel_> (Pages - different ones from the afternoon - they look a little older - bring chilled drinks to the table.)

• Janus sips his drink decorously, resisting the urge to just dump it over his head instead.

<Rachel_> Oh, I'm sorry. I'd hoped you'd find something to keep yourself occupied.  :/

• Rachel_ seems to be fairly comfortable with Hayley's presence now - by no means are they best friends but there is a marked improvement

 and perhaps a disposition that bodes well for the future.

• Janus sits rather stiffly...
• Hayley smiles quietly to herself; perhaps she is picking up on your desire to dump your drink on your head.

<Rachel_> How are things back in Aberystwyth?

• Rachel_ tries valiantly to engage her reluctant father in some sort of conversation.

<Rachel_> . o O (It's like pulling teeth. -_-) <Janus> Quiet. <Hayley> Yes, most of the nobles who were called to court have returned home now.

• Hayley agrees.
• Rachel_ nods.

<Rachel_> And how are the King and Queen? I trust they are doing well...

• Janus is more on edge now with the two of you here.

<Janus> Quite. <Janus> They send their regards.

• Hayley reaches under the table and squeezes your hand while simultaneously smiling encouragingly/supportively.

<Rachel_> Is she recovering well? <Janus> She is improving, yes. <Rachel_> (pages bring a very nice, flavourful salad out and place it quietly in front of you. No cheese on the salad out of respect for

 your lactose intolerance)

• Rachel_ smiles.

<Rachel_> I'm glad to hear that. <Rachel_> I realized after leaving that Nik hadn't come... <Rachel_> Which was surprising. <Janus> The King tells me Nikolai thought it best that he remain in Rosehill.

• Rachel_ nods.

<Rachel_> It might have been nice to see him, but then again, it might also have been very awkward.

• Janus picks at the salad but is really too warm to have much of an appetite.

<Janus> That was the thought. <Rachel_> We parted on good terms and I've written him a few times, but I haven't seen him in months and months. <Hayley> I wish I could have met him. <Janus> I'm sure there will be other opportunities to do so. <Janus> . o O ( When my mother is *not* on the verge of death. ) <Hayley> I hope so!

• Hayley is eating healthily, which is why she is so quiet.
• Rachel_ half-smiles, a bit melancholy perhaps.
• Rachel_ notices that you aren't eating much.

<Rachel_> Is it not to your liking?

• Rachel_ asks apologetically.

<Janus> I'm afraid the heat stifles my appetite.

• Hayley does have quite an appetite for such a small girl.

<Hayley> The poor thing was languishing upstairs... It's all I could do to get him to drink something. <Hayley> I'm glad the heat doesn't seem to bother you so much, Rachel. <Rachel_> It took some getting used to but I've acclimatized now. <Rachel_> I do find Wales and England much more clement, though. <Hayley> Do you get a breeze picking up at all in the evening? <Rachel_> Most of the time. We're pretty close to the ocean here. <Hayley> Well... hopefully we'll get one.  :)

• Hayley and Rachel chat for the rest of the meal which is all, thankfully, cold. There is flavoured ice for dessert.

<Hayley> (We try to involve you but you don't seem very amenable to chatting!)

• Janus is quietly edgy.

<Hayley> (both ladies notice and keep glancing at you with concern and or/inquiring looks.)

• Janus seems to grow more uncomfortable as time wears on.

<Rachel_> (A breeze does pick up, and relieves some of your discomfort anyway... Rachel's windows are open to let the breeze in.)

• Rachel_ looks out the window.

<Rachel_> Well, I was going to suggest an after-dinner walk. The fireflies will soon be out. <Rachel_> But perhaps you two are too worn out - it is late for your time zone, after all. <Hayley> Hmmm, it does sound nice but I'm not sure... I *am* rather sleepy.

• Hayley and Rachel look at you for your opinion.

<Janus> I leave the decision to you, Hayley. <Hayley> Oh... <Hayley> I think perhaps I'll retire but please don't feel obliged to do as I do, love, if you'd like to stay up.

• Hayley smiles for you- whatever you decide is fine with her.
• Janus frowns slightly.

<Janus> I suppose... I suppose I shall retire as well.

• Janus says at length.

<Rachel_> Very well...

• Rachel_ stands up.
• Hayley does as well.

<Hayley> Thank you for a lovely dinner, Rachel. <Janus> Indeed. <Hayley> My compliments to your chef.

• Rachel_ smiles.
• Janus rises gracefully from the table.

<Rachel_> I'll make sure Analisa gets them.

• Rachel_ would hug you good night but is uncertain how it would be received. You are being very standoffish tonight.

<Rachel_> If you require anything else, please don't hesitate to ask any of my staff or myself... <Hayley> Thank you, Rachel. We shall certainly do so if we think of anything.

• Hayley glances up at you inquiringly. Ready to go?
• Janus will give you his arm and escort you back to the room.
• Rachel_ bids you a good night as you leave...

<Janus> Good night, Rachel.

• Hayley opens the curtains first thing to let the breeze in. Then she plunks herself down on the bed.
• Janus restlessly paces the length of the room.

<Hayley> Janus, do you want to tell me what's bothering you? <Janus> ... It's still miserable in here.

• Janus evades the question.
• Janus pauses his pacing briefly to shed his vest and shirt, tossing them over the back of a chair.

<Hayley> We can go for a walk if you like... I'm not really that tired. <Janus> No, no... That's fine.

• Hayley swings her trim hooves up onto the bed and lays back, cushioning her head on folded arms.

<Hayley> If you'd like to talk about anything, I'm here for you...

• Hayley reminds you.
• Hayley watches you pace for a while.

<Janus> ...

• Janus stops eventually, and leans out the window instead.

<Hayley> That breeze is nice, isn't it? <Janus> It's less unpleasant. <Hayley> Oh. Janus...

• Hayley smiles patiently.

<Hayley> . o O (You are so hard to please.)

• Janus scowls out the window.
• Hayley gets up and goes over to you and gives you a quick hug, then slides her arm around your waist.
• Hayley will remove it if you look at all irritated by the contact.
• Hayley peers out the window with you.
• Janus doesn't seem terribly put off, no.

<Hayley> Oh, look! <Hayley> I just saw a firefly, first one for the night! <Janus> ... <Hayley> Too bad the sunset is on the other side of the house... <Janus> ... <Hayley> Do you suppose you can make wishes on the first firefly, like you do for the first star of the night? <Janus> ...

• Hayley tilts her head to rest it lightly on your arm.

<Janus> I know that she asked you about Debbie.

• Janus says finally.

<Janus> It's driving me mad. <Hayley> Oh...

• Janus says through clenched teeth, still staring out the window.

<Hayley> Well, she did.

• Hayley moves her silky curls back off your arm since it seems we are to have a serious talk.

<Hayley> You know that if you want to know anything, you need only ask... but is that the problem or is it something else? <Janus> I don't want to know! <Janus> I don't want *anyone* to know! <Janus> There is no answer that can... that can possibly *correct* it!

• Hayley turns around to face you.

<Janus> (I'm looking out the window, dude) <Hayley> (I know, I just mean that I'm not looking out the window anymore, I'm looking at you, even if you're not looking at me.) <Hayley> Janus, she has a right to know if she wants to... <Janus> And now *I* have to wonder about it, lie awake trying not to think about it... <Hayley> Well... did she seem very upset to you? <Janus> That doesn't mean anything. <Janus> Not a damned thing... <Hayley> That's not true at all. <Hayley> It means that it couldn't have been so bad for her as whatever else she might have believed. <Janus> She has no idea. <Janus> ... <Hayley> No, of course she has no idea what it meant to you. She isn't you. <Hayley> But she knows what it meant to herself. <Janus> She wasn't old enough to even be aware of what was happening. <Hayley> You don't have to have been old enough to remember what happened to have been affected by it... <Janus> I wish that I had not come. <Hayley> ... <Hayley> I'm sorry to hear that, Janus. <Hayley> But I am glad that she is finally reaching out to me. <Janus> I am not unhappy about that. <Janus> I wish that these thoughts had not been placed into my head. <Hayley> (Can I tell what thoughts he means? Is he talking about wondering anew why Debbie left, or being jealous that Rachel knows?) <Janus> (the former... he isn't jealous that Rachel knows, but he wishes that he didn't know she did) <Hayley> Well, Janus, I don't know how to help you with that.

• Hayley says sadly.
• Hayley turns to look out the window again - more fireflies are showing up.
• Janus goes and sits on the bed, scowling with frustration.
• Hayley looses her hair from its confining knot and it spreads like a ripple across her shoulders again.
• Hayley just gazes out the window for a while, really at a loss as to how to help you with this predicament you've found yourself in (or

 possibly made for yourself).

<Janus> Fine.

• Janus says abruptly.
• Hayley looks over her shoulder at you quickly; slightly startled.

<Janus> Tell me. <Janus> Tell me why you wouldn't trust me to help you. <Janus> Tell me why you would rather have died than asked for my aid.

• Hayley really seems surprised now.

<Hayley> Oh - oh Janus. <Janus> Tell me why you would desert our life together without so much as a fight.

• Hayley turns around to face you.

<Janus> Why?

• Janus stands up, his face stony but his eyes clouded with conflict.

<Janus> Did I disappoint you somehow? <Hayley> Is that what you've believed all these years?

• Hayley looks horrified and broken.

<Janus> WHAT WAS I SUPPOSED TO THINK? <Hayley> It's not that she... didn't trust you, at all... <Hayley> She was so afraid... not of you but for you. <Janus> I could have fixed things!! <Janus> You never gave me the chance!! <Hayley> Oh, Janus... <Janus> (I have decades of bottled up anger :V) <Hayley> I was so terrified by what was happening to me - the same thing I had watched happen to my mother... Right up until the doctor

 told me the test results, I had been hoping it would be something else.

<Hayley> But then it turned out not to be, and I just - all I could think of was those machines, whirring... the only thing keeping her

 alive.  She didn't even remember me anymore.

<Janus> I COULD HAVE FIXED THINGS!! <Hayley> I was terrified, unthinking...

• Janus looks as though he wants to put a fist through something.

<Hayley> I didn't want you and the children to go through the same thing... I didn't think. I just flew. <Janus> If you thought I was so very weak, why did you leave me alone with our children, to face decade after empty decade?! To cry out in

 anguish in the night, with only the ravens to answer me?!

<Janus> Why?! <Hayley> I don't know why. <Hayley> I forgot that for us, things didn't have to be the same way as for my mother.

• Hayley sinks to the floor, covering her face with her hands.

<Hayley> I'm sorry, Janus... I would never have done that to you if I'd been thinking. <Janus> Forgot?! <Janus> You forgot?!

• Hayley sobs.

<Hayley> It was pointless, and senseless... <Hayley> And yes, I didn't even think of how you could fix things, in my panic. <Janus> You think so little of me.

• Hayley uncovers her tear-streaked, grieving face and looks up at you.

<Hayley> Oh Janus... you aren't listening. <Janus> . o O ( Even now... You won't trust me to help you... ) <Hayley> I wasn't capable of rational thought. <Hayley> If I had been, I would have gone home with Abdul to you. <Janus> Your first instinct rather than even *speaking* to me was to THROW YOURSELF IN FRONT OF A TRUCK!! <Janus> How am I supposed to take that? <Janus> You see, I knew... I *knew* no good would come of this!!

• Hayley sighs and looks away.

<Hayley> If you knew the... *absolute* terror I felt, you wouldn't say such things. <Hayley> I was half animal, and my first instinct was to flee.

• Janus shakes his head in angry disbelief.
• Hayley covers her face again.
• Hayley had hoped you would understand, but words can't express what was going on in her head.

<Janus> I ... <Janus> I can't be here right now.

• Hayley nods numbly.

<Hayley> Where will you be?

• Hayley turns to look at you again.

<Janus> I will return for you in the morning. Or Windrider will.

• Janus is avoiding looking at you.

<Hayley> I can make my own way back...

• Hayley says softly.

<Janus> Fine. <Janus> Then stay as long as you like. Since you are getting on so well with Rachel.

• Janus picks up the scythe from its resting place in the corner.
• Hayley looks mortally wounded by those words.

<Hayley> Janus, that is unfair. <Janus> What? <Janus> What is it now? <Hayley> You asked, I told. It was a purely visceral reaction... <Janus> But I am not allowed my reaction?? <Janus> I am going home. <Hayley> And now you are trying to shut me out, telling me to stay here for as long as I want. <Hayley> I don't want to be here, I want to be with you. But I understand that you need space, and time. <Hayley> How much time? When will you want to see me again? <Janus> I am not going to talk about this anymore right now. <Janus> I need to leave.

• Hayley closes her eyes and leans her head back.

<Hayley> I am sorry, Janus.

• Janus moves toward the window.

<Hayley> I'll be back at the castle tomorrow. <Janus> That's fine.

• Hayley is sitting on the floor near the window so you're coming closer to her.

<Janus> ... Don't sit on the floor. <Janus> How many times have I told you... It's unbecoming.

• Janus sighs.

<Janus> -_-

• Hayley stands up slowly.
• Hayley looks at you with a terrible sadness.
• Janus offers you a hand up.
• Hayley accepts it and looks a little more relieved.

<Hayley> . o O (At least he still wants to touch me.) <Hayley> <softly> I'll see you soon...

• Hayley clings to that hope.

<Janus> ...

• Janus looks down at you.
• Hayley looks up at you, her eyes full of a terrible love for you and a terrible fear of losing you.
• Janus just stands there, for minutes on end...
• Hayley hasn't let go of the hand you offered her...
• Janus finally looks away, pulling back from you.

<Hayley> I love you so much...

• Hayley says through tears.
• Janus turns around and takes a step toward the centre of the room.

<Janus> ... <Hayley> . o O (I'll die if you don't love me anymore.)

• Hayley watches you go, back pressed against the wall near the window.
• Hayley looks distraught but is controlling herself well. She'll undoubtedly break down as soon as you're gone.
• Janus drops the weapon with a loud clatter, then very slowly climbs onto the bed, lying on his side with his back toward you.
• Hayley is not certain what to make of this development... she stands in stunned silence for a moment... you're breathing still, I hope?

 ^-^

• Janus curls up into a near-fetal position with his hands clutching his head, his shoulders shaking silently. :(
• Hayley goes over to him and puts her arms around him with great tenderness, cradling him as he cries.
• Hayley cries too...
• Janus does not stop until he eventually falls asleep. ..
• Hayley continues to hold him until she falls asleep too.